Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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