i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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