my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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