I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
