he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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