So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
