im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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