We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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