woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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