I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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