I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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