Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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