Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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