Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
