u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
