I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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