sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
