I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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