We're like a lot better than the average bears
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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