If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
