he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
