im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
