By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
