my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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