drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
