you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
