no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
