I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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