A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
