So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize