LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
