First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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