my phone needs a breathalizer
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
organizing the empties. That sober.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
