im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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