if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
