I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
