smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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