Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
