sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
