Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
