I think I died a long time ago.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize