Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just google imaged poop.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
