Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
