I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize