dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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