Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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