she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
