apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
