When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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