Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
