I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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