We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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