I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
