Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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