I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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