Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
