I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My dick has a subreddit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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