so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
