I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
