Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
