Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
