I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
