We won't sleep together?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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