I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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