There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize