You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize