You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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