32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
