I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
