You just made me feel so damn special
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
