I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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