those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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