Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
