Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
