dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
