i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
