It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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