We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
