Whod you bang
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
