it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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