just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
nutella sex= disaster
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
