Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
