The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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