nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
