dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
