my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
