I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
