he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Holy sore nipples Batman
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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