If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
