I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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