Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
