i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
