My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
