You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize