I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
