butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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