reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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