Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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