Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
