I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
