my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
