I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
