if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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