This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
