Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I supernannyed him into submission
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
