I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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