dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
